September 25, 2012

• the inner abyss

  

  you cannot see my darkness ~ you cannot feel my pain
  i ache to feel that which is real ~ yet I lash out against it
  not knowing whether to open up ~ or run like hell
  love is pain ~ feeling is pain ~ that is what is familiar, known
  within me are scars that beat with a life force of their own

  

  lonely dreamer, walking within the dark confines of my mind
  having never truly felt or seen that which others claim is real
  wanting to scream in disgust, in anger,
  there is no saving me, there is no god, no higher power,
  no knights in shining armor, no fairytales, no dreams come true,
  no true love, no true hapiness, no realness to this life

  there is only pain ~ true, raw, down to your very core ~ pain

  

  for so long, I've worn a mask,
  hiding the scars within, hiding the real me,
  for so long, I've hidden, I've ran,
  I've lived in the darkness that most cant even
  begin to know, or understand
  out of my dreams, you appeared,
  your ways unlike any I've ever known
  you gently unlocked my chambers
  you coaxed me from my mask
  you have shared just a taste of my pain
  and I, I stand behind you, in the shadows
  wanting to run away from that which is so unfamiliar,
  so frightening to me
  yet I want you to rush to my view,
  to stand before me, heart beating fast,
  eyes wide and sincere, hearing your voice
  as everything around me fades,
  just to say "I'm here, I'm real"

  

  if my pain were to have a face
  if my scars were visible to the naked eye
  people would run in fear,
  scared of what they do not know
  or understand,
  thinking, no, no, that's impossible, unimaginable
  so innocent, so nieve to the faces of evil

  

  into my depths of darkness within
  you arrive
  unknown, yet so familiar
  are you true, are you real
  you sweep me off my feet
  spin me into a tale of things only
  my distant, childhood dreams
  thought of, long before the
  hands of anger, the words of pain,
  the sharp sting of my soul being
  ripped open over and over again
  so here I lie, within your arms,
  your words, my breath,
  your beating heart, my music,
  can I break the chains that keep me here

  

  so here I lay within my cold, lonely field
  so innocent, so neive, so doubting
  of the world in my dreams
  asleep, kept in a state of frozen winter
  you arive, beckoned by my dreams,
  sent from a place I never thought existed
  wanting to wake me from my dreamlands
  and I, so clouded by memories
  so harmed by thorns
  so raw from unthawed wounds
  not knowing whether I am still asleep
  or really awake, and see you there
  sweet knight of my dreams..

  ---

  ~just a little ramble from within ~ really no rhyme, no reason ~
  ~just tales, dreams, thoughts, imagination ~ or maybe its real ~
  ~life is a constant state of change ~ the only thing real is pain ~
  ~the only thing certain is uncertainty~

  written by me 9/25/2012

   

  • 3:01 pm
  • 2 Comments