I love art. I love music. I love how they can mean so many different things to people.
It's all a matter of perspective. Just like poetry.

Not feeling too creative today.. although I do always have something "in the works" in the quiet background of my local files

So, today I share with you - a Photo blog..

Some awesome works of art. Some are representative of my current mood..

I think what I love most about the pre raphaelite paintings, is their use of redheads
Being one myself, I just find it fascinating how much we were used as models for so many paintings
If I ever have the money, I'd love to have a good artist do a painting of me done in such a way that it looks like it was done in the late 1800's to early 1900's.

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For those who want to see more gorgeous paintings by various pre raphaelite painters,
here are a few links :

My absolute favorite, a very popular one on the web:

John William Waterhouse - http://www.jwwaterhouse.com

Arthur Hughes - http://www.arthurhughes.org

http://www.artmagick.com/pictures/artist.aspx?artist=anthony-frederick-sandys

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well, that's a 'wrap' for tonight..

 

 

silent fears

silent screams

silent tears

silent, but existing..

Unheard, unexposed, unknown

till now

so with a sharpened blade

i cut open those wounds

i opened my eyes

watched as my scratch

became a large laceration

my wound open, exposed, raw

my life force spilling out of me

its like opening the flood gates

what's past is

now present

its all pouring back to me

wanting to remove the silence

i want to scream ~ but i haven't the voice

or the strength ~ i feel so weak

i want to release, to cry ~ but i can't allow it

to release would be to crumble

who would be there ~ who is here

the silence echo's

the only sounds are that of my shallow breathing

and the gentle rythm of my slowing heart beat

whispered in silence, yet begging to be heard

"I'm dying inside, and no one knows it or sees it but me"

looking around in silence

I feel ~ no arms to hold me

I have ~ no hand to hold

I hear ~ no reassuring voice

I have ~ no comfort to feel

just me, alone, in my chair

as always, familiar, predictable, stagnant life

it's here, my constant companion: fear
my constant truth: being alone

 

fingertips touching the screen ~ softly i caress your face

wake me up inside

 

I stand alone
under the dark night sky
wondering where time has gone
what has it done to me
still not knowing
who I really am

leaning my head back,
looking into the night sky
clouded and hazy
only a few stars are visible

I whisper into the night air
holding back my tears why --
why do people have to be so hateful?
like delicate dew drops
are the tears that gather
as I fight them back

dropping to my knees
feeling so weak
with weighted memories
of past haunts, scars that last a lifetime

I wonder if I will ever be free
from these twisted,
hurtful memories
can I face them down
look them in the eye
am I strong enough to survive

I feel so weak
so child-like, I want to feel
something real, anything, please
just once to know what it's like
to know serenity of the soul
to know comfort  

I look at others
who complain, who cry 'hurt'
and I question - do they really know
true pain, anger, betrayal, lonliness?
they've heard about evil -
however, I have seen true evil
reflected in anothers' eyes
I have stared evil in the eye
they speak of fear,
but have not truly experienced
the life-clenching, heart pounding
fear that I have experienced

I've walked alone, dreamed alone
cried alone, and I pull myself up - alone
its always been that way
trust no one but self
Instinct. Survival.  

I lay on the cool soft grass
as the tears softly
glide from my eyes to my hairline
just once, if that's all I get -

I will seize that opportunity

just once to be held,
to know that I'm ok, not a failure, not an outcast
that I am worth something, anything

just once
to feel that comfort, that love

just once
to let me know
I do not have to walk this path alone
that what I do is not for nothing

just for once to feel
secure, to rest, really rest

here under the moons' soft loving glow
I cannot help but ask - why -
I have no one, no comfort to feel
none that is 'real'
just words .. appearing on a screen

I never truly rest, not even my mind -
with each rythm of my heart beat -
hope is there - but its fading as I am aging

still wondering, seeking, asking
"Whence comes my peace?"
will I ever feel a part of something more

 

~written by little 'ole me 9/11/2012~

 

There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said. I'm sure I echo many others' feelings today.
All I can say is, I really will not forget, I can promise you that. Not in an anger, lets go kill type of way,
but a deep felt sadness, an invisible fog that hangs over the Country each year on this day, the thousands of lives lost, and for what?
Seems it was for nothing, doesn't it? Death is death. No matter what the circumstances.
Yet deaths like those 11 years ago today seem to out weigh others by a long shot. I think what strikes the truth within,
and hits the very core of humanity (whether American or not) is the senseless, cowardly act that it was.

No reason, just pure evil. Killing so many who were innocent,
and oblivious to the 'political' or 'religious' thoughts of those
diabolic humans who conspired & carried out the mass murders of #9/11/01. 

I still light a candle on this day, and I will every year until I draw my last breath.
What saddens me is, how quickly people were to 'forget',
to resume normality was essential, I understand that.
However, the #patriotism, the "Brotherhood" and Unity seen in the aftermath was *powerful* and so moving,
I'm positive I am not the only one who was covered in goosebumps from the power of love felt from around the World.
Where is it now? That's what has been forgotten.
Yet that is *key* to our survival, our #Nation, is it not?
If you were on the outside looking in on #America, how would you view us now, compared to then?
Amazing difference, isn't it? Patriotism shouldn't be a passing phase, a passing trend that's no longer cool, or runs out of style.
It should be the core of every American, always.
Don't just remember the Deaths on that day,
Remember they were people that represented all walks of life, all Nationalities and Religions.

If they were alive today, what do you think they'd want?

 

 

 

 

Crone of night, in thy abode,

Touch my spirit that's grown cold.

Hear my prayer, hear my plea,

Send my spirit back to me.

Make me wise and make me strong.

Give me wisdom, give me strength,

Lend your powers to me at length.

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“Did you really want to die?"  

"No one commits suicide because they want to die."  

"Then why do they do it?"  

"Because they want to stop the pain.”  

 

~ Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star 

 

 

Better than a thousand words, is one word that brings peace.

 

~Buddha~

 

I have no parents
I make the heavens and earth my parents.

I have no home
I make awareness my home.

I have no life or death
I make the tides of breathing my life and death.

I have no divine power
I make honesty my divine power.

I have no means
I make understanding my means .

I have no magic secrets
I make character my magic secret.

I have no body
I make endurance my body.

I have no eyes
I make the flash of lightening my eyes.

I have no ears
I make sensibility my ears.

I have no limbs
I make promptness my limbs.

I have no strategy
I make "unshadowed by thought" my strategy.

I have no designs
I make "seizing opportunity by the forelock" my design.

I have no miracles
I make right-action my miracles.

I have no principles
I make adaptability to all circumstances my principles.

I have no tactics
I make emptiness and fullness my tactics.

I have no talents
I make ready wit my talent.

I have no friends
I make my mind my friend.

I have no enemy
I make carelessness my enemy.

I have no armor
I make benevolence and righteousness my armor.

I have no castle
I make immovable-mind my castle.

I have no sword
I make absence of self my sword.

~ Anonymous Samurai, fourteenth century

~ and I wished upon a star as a freckle faced readheaded little girl ~
but realized that wishes don't happen ~
dreams do not come true ~
prince charming is just a fairy tale ~ 
as is so called love and happily ever after ~
people always have a hidden motive/agenda ~
and always hurt or just leave without saying a word ~
and so those once innocent dreams and visions of youth dissipated with my drying tears ~
evaporating into nothingness ~ as the years went by ~
and I am left just a shell of what I once was ~
Just a reflection of what I wish were real ~
going through the motions of life ~
without living at all ~ 

 

~written 09.09.2012 by me~

There is a beauty of the body and there is a beauty of the soul.

The beauty of the body is ordinary, momentary, today it is there, and tomorrow it may not be there.
And the beauty of the body is more in the eyes of the considered than in the object of the beauty itself,
because the same person may be beholder beautiful by one, may be thought ugly by another.
But the beauty of the soul is something inner. It is not in the eyes of the onlooker, because it cannot be seen, it is not a question of seeing.
It can only be felt. It is not a beauty that can be destroyed by anything. Not even death can touch it, fire cannot burn it, and it is eternal.
 
In the east mystics have talked about god in two ways. Those who were more intellectually oriented have talked about god as satchidananda.
Sat means truth, chid means consciousness, ananda means bliss. Those who were not so intellectually oriented, who were more emotional, devotional,
more poetic, more of the heart- they have talked about god as satyam shivam sundaram: truth, goodness, and beauty.
These are the two trinities talked about in the east.
 
Truth is the same in both; it has to be so because god is: that ‘isness’ is his truth. But then the differences arise.
The intellectually oriented think of god as consciousness, and then as bliss, because consciousness is continuously seeking for bliss.
It is a search for bliss, so the ultimate goal becomes bliss. But the poetic approach is different.
 
The ultimate goal is always beauty, bliss is a byproduct. When you have experienced the ultimate beauty of existence you feel bliss,
but that is a byproduct, a consequence; it is not the goal. To the poet it is not the goal.
To the poet it is not relevant even to talk about it.
It comes on its own, just as when listening to beautiful music you feel surrounded by a bliss, but your concern is the music, the beauty of it.
 
~Osho~

Thoughts?

 

FOUR DIRECTIONAL PRAYER MANTRAS

EAST -

Today I will acknowledge that to change my life requires the twin elements of wisdom and courage.
Wisdom to understand that change is necessary and good,
and courage to change my patterns of behavior even if they fly in the face of what others think and believe about me.
Today I acknowledge that I have a sacred right to live my life as I desire,
but that I do not have the right to play a role assigned to me in a dysfunctional situation
for then the gifts freely given to me by the Great Spirit will be wasted..

SOUTH -

Today I acknowledge that I am connected to a spiritual power greater than myself
and that this greater power (known as the Breath of the Invisible)
loves me and created me in perfect balance with the Earth Mother.
I will continue to heal myself by releasing my fear,
and loving myself and others unconditionally.
I place no boundaries, in other words on the love I give myself.
I understand that self-worth comes from within my own soul.
I understand that I do not have to be defined by wider world, or job position.

WEST -

Today I will acknowledge that change in my life must begin with me.
Today I will speak honestly with myself.
I will lock up my heart by locking up my emotions.
I will listen to my dreams and visions and create a new reality for myself.
I will stop denying that problems exist.
Instead I will honor them for they have helped make me who I am at this moment in time.
To deny my difficulties is to deny who I am.
What I will do is dream new dreams for myself and lift up my spirit.

NORTH -

Today I acknowledge that my body contains a fantastic genetic code unique only to me.
It is a vehicle of expression designed to transport and enable me to function within the physical realm of Earth –
I do not devalue myself, therefore I will not devalue my body,
for my body is the temple that houses the Mental, Spiritual and Emotional realms of my existence.
I understand and accept that learning and changing takes time.
I may not be able to expect an overnight miracle but I can expect a miracle over time.

 

Written by the talented~ Shannon Thunderbird

From about the age of 12, I lived with my Grandparents. First, with my Mom and Step-father, brother Jr. and sister Tina. My sister got married, my Mom got divorced, my Grandmother's health went down hill - she had Parkinson's Disease, and well, I ended up being raised by my Grandfather. I'll make the long story short

My fondest memories were sitting outside on the large porch during rainstorms just watching it rain and listening to my grandfather tell stories. I heard about the Depression, and what it was like for my Grandparents and others. I learned about life growing up for them. I learned all about how they met, and fell in love

The following is from what I call "my files" it was written back in 2003, and dedicated to my Grandparents, Helena & Stanley Spencer. In poetic form, it tells their story of romance and love. Some of it was from things my Grandfather said after my Grandmother passed away, how everything in the house was "her" and it held her there. How sometimes he'd think he smelled her perfume. How empty his life seemed. I will never forget hearing the deep sobbing from him as he layed in his bed, just grieving, so fully, the loss of the love of his life...  I felt so hopeless, there wasn't any 'magical' thing I could do to help him, other than just cry with him in silence.

I hope you enjoy..

My Endless Love  

It was years ago when we met, a dance at our school.
I remember you standing there alone. I offered you a ride to your home.

The next day I stopped by your place,
I asked your parents if I could 'court' you.
(After all, this was in the early 1900's)

You were a beautiful woman to me,
I never understood why you wanted me.
We dated for a few years, each year I grew fonder of you.
My Love for you was complete & true.

I asked you to be my wife, my Love, and my partner for life.
I was a proud, happy man, the day you said yes, and took my hand.

Through our years, we loved, we grew, and bonded.
You gave to me, two beautiful children. One boy, and one girl.

You took care of our home, you loved, and nurtured our children.
I worked hard, and I provided for you.

Our children are full grown now, they have families of their own.

I look at you, and I still see - that beautiful young woman,
who chose to be with me.
My sweet Love, I love you more with each passing year.

We are labeled "senior citizens" now.
I still feel like I could do anything for you.
My love, you are now a part of me, we are one,
and I am still completely in love with you.

You have gotten ill my Love, you cannot walk anymore.
I smile and I hide my sadness..
You are my Love, and I will care for you.
I will forever, my endless love is true.
You are my Love, my soul, and my life.

I cannot keep up with your needs Love.
I feel like I am failing you.
Today I put you in the hospital,
something I never thought I'd do...

This home of ours has your spirit,
all around me I look, and all I see is you.
This home of Love, I built for you.

My Love, how can I face this empty home without you?
I cry and I pray to this "God" of yours,
"Take my life, and spare my Wife"...
But, this "God" of yours doesn't answer me.

Today I got the Phone Call...
I never wanted to receive.
Today I lost my best friend.
Today I lost a part of me.
How does this happen & why to you?
Why didn't he take me & not you?

I wander the rooms of our Home, I feel lost, and I feel so alone.
You were a part of me, my Love, my Destiny.
This home it holds your sweet scent,
it reflects your love, and your charm.
This home it now makes me feel incomplete.
I still think I hear the sounds of your feet,
slowly crossing the floor.
My Love for you will last forever more.

I must leave our home my Love.
I know you aren't here anymore...
This world without you was my biggest fear,
yet I always feel your presence near.

I close my eyes as I walk out our door..
I see you, I feel you everywhere...
My Love for you is still strong -stronger than death.
I still embrace you in my heart, even death, won't tear us apart.

Now all I do is wait for my day.
When we can once again meet and play.
Then never again will we part,
and never again will I feel such deep pain in my heart.

It’s been a few years since I shed my first grieving tears.
I lay down on my bed with a picture of you
I close my eyes and I feel your Love near,
I feel your presence, I feel your warmth.
I feel your hand slip into mine,
I see you and I see light...
I feel your love embrace me, warming my soul..

My Love, I follow you, and I walk with you...
to this world that's new...
I know I am safe, because I am here with you.
I feel my loneliness, my sadness disappear,
our day to re-unite is finally here.

My Love, my Heart,
my Soul & my Life
I am at peace now,
because I am with you..

**In memory of my Grandparents**

I'll never forget all they did for me. I am who I am today because of them.