Month: November 2012

  • Trust issues..

    I have trust issues. I’m sure you've noticed..
    I don’t admit that, except on rare occasions..
    Opening up, sharing my "feelings" is dropping my guard.
    It's opening up, saying "here is my weakness" ..
    To trust, to open that door that points inward, is really hard to do!
    It is even harder to explain to someone who has never "been there" nor experienced similar experiences. 
    Those non-trusting instincts are there, always..

    Just beneath the surface, its there lurking.. its like a cartoon battle of good & evil characters on my shoulders,
    constantly arguing with each other.

    I’m pretty good at appearing to be trusting. A smile, a polite "yes, Thanks"
    I nod my head when people say they love me, or care about me, or will pray for me. I smile,
    and act like I trust they will.  But deep inside, in the quiet places I try to never go, or talk about,
    I doubt everything.. I doubt everyone.. I can't help it, it's there. Always.

    So, how do you get "over" trust issues?

    How do you learn to trust again? Just do it? Ignore the pessimistic dialog within?

    Or just keep pluggin' along, faking it till you make it?

     

  • Journal, self-talk, pep-talk?

    You know that there is more to life than pain and suffering. You know it in your deepest, deepest being,
    you know that you know that you know that there is more to life than what you’ve experienced.
    So quit hiding from yourself, quit running from your past, quit ignoring the so-called demons hiding in the dark, lurking in the shadows,
    waiting to pounce on you and eat you alive. That is your shadow standing there calling to you, saying “come closer”.
    Venture into the darkness of yourself. Own what hides there. Be courageous; look into the dark,
    for the wisdom of your soul holds a flame of light which will show you the truth, and
    reveal to you the hidden treasures lurking within the illusion of dark.
    For it is only the idea of the monsters in the dark which you run away from,
    which very cleverly distract you, and lead you away from the treasures which lie behind those monsters.

    Think of all the fairytales and the stories that many have written,
    and how many times have these stories presented the message that when you have to go into those dangerous hidden realms,
    into secret caverns, into remote islands, having to fight your way through jungles, having to overcome the demons in the forests and in the jungles,
    yet when you have harnessed the truth and you have slayed those demons, suddenly you find yourself within a magnificent cavern filled with infinite amounts of treasure.
    Do you see how even the storytellers, whether they are conscious of it or not, have for eons of time been saying the same thing.
    Face your demons. Look into the dark. Face the darkness and the light will reveal itself.

    You will rise above your fate in ways that you never imagined, because you are now seeing your life with open eyes,
    no longer shrouded by the illusion of the underworld. When things are underground, they are unconscious,
    they are hidden within the darkness. So when you understand yourself, when you are ready to take the truth in hand,
    and to get over your guilt, your shame, your fear of failure, or whatever else it is, the fear of facing the truth of yourself,
    then you step into the underworld in a different way. This time you are carrying a torch of light with you, and you become Indiana Jones,
    and you discover the treasure, and you rise from the underworld into the mansions, which contain the treasures of your destiny.

    Know that this is yet another level of the turning of the tides,
    another way of seeing yourself,
    another doorway beyond the paradigm of paralysis,
    of delusion, of illusion, of debilitation, and
    now it is your call.

    In the meantime, continue to know that the many invisible arms that hold you are ever present.
    The many invisible hearts that love you are unconditional; for we are with you in all ways, always,
    and never are you alone, for we are all one.

    May the light of truth continue to open your eyes to yourself, and may you be at peace.

  • Journal sharing..

      

    the following is from my offline, personal journal.. sharing a little bit

     

    Through the years, I have wasted time, tears, and energy on being a victim, wallowing in self-pity, engrossed and self-absorbed in the traumas of my past. But, I now know that what I focus on will help to create my future. The truth is what sets you free. Denying my past, burying it or denying it will not give me peace. I am developing the inner strength and courage to revisit those memories and to see their purpose, to take the gift from it and to step forward, to leave it in the past and to create a better future for myself.  They say that the journey of life is about transformation. The journey of transformation, a reformation of self, is about dying to the old ways and rising like the Phoenix and stepping into a new world. As Bear Heart said  “there are many types of death, one need not die a physical death in order to die.“ So I take it on {my death} with both hands. There are no more excuses to say that my prayers have fallen on deaf ears, to say that I am alone in this world. My support is not always going to come from physical sources, I’ve come to realize this. I have the spiritual world in my presence all the time. I will not measure the quality of my worth or happiness based on how others treat me. I will measure it based on how I treat myself and how much effort I am willing to put into rising above my fate and taking on my destiny. By opening my eyes to the truth and taking myself on - to rise like the Phoenix and live my life authentically.

     

    .. end of sharing .. for now.. just a snipplet

  • A video..

    Trying something new..

    Set my writing to pics and music.. a amateur/beginner video lol

    Hope you enjoy.. 

     

  • Ouch times 100

     

    Sometimes those who claim to love you can hurt you the deepest and the most.

    Because they know your weakness, your insecurities, and can use them as a sharp pointed sarcastic or insulting statement against you.

    Wow.

    That hurt. I really wasn't expecting that.