I hope you enjoyed!

Blessings & Hugs, ~Rhonda

Just a quick note.. I love the new necklace I made with my daughter. It was her idea to make a peace symbol necklace with chain for her best friend. So, I did the more complicated parts, like cutting and attaching the chain, and she did a little too. I absolutely love it! I'm thinking about making a few of them to sell and make some extra money since my unemployment ran out I'm in the state of "limbo" until the gov't lets go of it. *sigh* So annoying!

I also made a little angel from beads & wings as a cell phone charm too. I hope her friend likes these!

They are scanned, so they look a little different, color wise.

I'll be back later...

Went to Louisville, KY to see Tim today. Wow. When I look at him, I see a miracle. Amazing how far & how good he is doing already! In a couple of weeks, he'll be ready to leave the hospital and go into rehab to strengthen up his muscles, and learn how to be more independant. The doctors still aren't sure if he'll ever regain use of his legs, he's still paralized from the waist down. It hasn't broken his willpower In just the last 2 weeks, he's improved a lot! (It'd been 2 weeks since I last seen him)

Not a lot to write about tonight. I'm tired, its a long trip - 110 miles round trip - just to my Mom's, then another 1/2 hour to the Hospital in KY. I'm getting one of those "one armed" sunburns from driving and it looks really funny to me lol. My freckles are getting darker too the joys of being a redhead! lol I'm thankful at least (no offense to those who do) that I don't have the freckles on 90% of my body. I remember crying in the mirror at about age 11 or 12 hating my freckles, and cursing them, and then using lemon juice on my skin thinking it would make them disappear lol. The joys of the almost-teen stage of life.

Now I'm in the I-don't-give-a-shit stage and am actually quite happy with my appearance. As most say, I wouldn't mind toning up and getting more fit. But I'd never change a thing by surgery at all. As they say on used cars, I'm "as is"

Well, I guess that's a wrap for tonight. Sweet dreams to those of you reading this before bed.

Hugs, ~Rhonda

As many of you know, every once in a while I post the stats on Iraq, Afghanistan - our troops. Its discouraging to me that it seems so many have just moved past the 'phase-or-trend' of being supportive and patriotic. Maybe I am wrong, but around here it seems that way. Although we aren't hearing it as much anymore and there isn't a full-blown war as it was in the beginning, please keep in mind there are still many being injured, changed forever, lives lost and loved ones trying to cope with the intense pain.
I remember after 9/11/01 - of course who don't I loved the patriotic 'bug' that hit everyone. It was so wild and awesome to see people with flags blowing in the wind from various places on any moving vehicle. There were people working together, peacefully, without regard to status, race, etc. All towards a common goal of human kindness and charity. Now, looking around as I drive through places, I don't see those flags as much, the t-shirts, the proud US things .. Its like we all are quiet and without voice. Lost and not feeling connected, or caring. It reminds me of my sisters Dad, who we called Sarge. He was in Vietnam. He said that almost harder than the memories of death and trauma he'd faced there - was the homecoming back home. They were cursed, spit on and called all sorts of nasty names. There was no troop support, because of everyone not in support of the war. I understand naturally, the lack of support for a war. No matter what nationality you are, what country, what religion, NO ONE likes war. However - we should always support and uphold the morale of our Troops! They are not to blame for war. They are not to blame for being there. It's something they must do, they believe in, they are obligated to do. It takes a special person to do what they do. To wake each day and wonder if it will be your last. For those here awaiting being sent - always wondering who is next, when they will have to leave, what friend may not return. Can you imagine the stress - mental stress too? I'd be a bundle of shaky nerves and bitchy like you wouldn't believe. But they do it - because they love their Country. They do it for us - for our childrens generation, so they will continue to have the plush pleasures we have here, the freedoms, and that patriotic "goose bump" feeling of pride when hearing songs like "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood.
It doesn't take much. A thought, a prayer, a pause at a Flag you see blowing in the Wind, a glance as you pass by the Memorial Plaques or Graves that are marking sacrifices made.. Or simply spilling your thoughts into a blog like this. ...
My father-in-law fought in WWII his flag faces me on the left placed neatly and folded tightly in pride and honor on top of my curio cabnet. Hearing the comments and stories from him about his experiences was intense. I listened and heard residents in the Nursing Home I'd worked in when I live in NY - as some of those Vets told me about their experiences. Till the day J. Garrett passed away, he was still haunted by the memories that were there each time he'd lay his head down to sleep. I'll never forget him, or the things he'd told me about. Forgotten, or at least placed in the back of our minds, like it never happened... they felt forgotten, like they'd done it for "nothing" in many ways - losing much more than what many of us realize. He cried - (I mean sobbed) deeply in his wheelchair as he told me, while pointing to the photos he had, and the model plane suspended from his curtain rod that was of a plane that he'd once flew. When he was young, and proud, deeply Patriotic, and loved his country.

I could go on and on, but I won't... I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say.. Just spillin' some of my memories. I guess in some ways trying to make sense of it all... Trying to say come on lets not forget.

Total Fatalities : 5,478
(click on title to see source, view the Faces of the Fallen and more)

Operation Iraqi Freedom: 4,391

At least 31,860 U.S. troops have been wounded in action,
according to the Pentagon in Iraq.

Operation Enduring Freedom: 1,087

At least 6,355 U.S. personnel have been wounded in action,
according to the Pentagon in Afghanistan.

That's 43,693 lives affected... damn..

(Updated June 13, 2010)

So before I share 2 of my writings from my "files" ~ let me say this ~
To our Soldiers from all branches of our Military, all generations past and present,
*!*Thank You*!*
deeply for all that you do! Although you may feel unappreciated and forgotten while on duty,
there are genuine people out there that care and always take a moment daily to think of you.
May you be deeply blessed.

 A Mother's Letter

My son, my precious son
I fear for you
I fear for your life

I wanted so badly to tell you no
no Marines, no war
but I had to let you go
I had to let you decide

I just want to let you know
that I am so proud of you
a Marine now
following in your fathers' footsteps
standing tall and proud

I fear for you though
so many miles away
not a day goes by
that I don't pray
and cry for you too

I fear for what you might see
poverty, despair, and death
I fear for what you do as well
I pray it doesn't change you

I cry for you son
I want to hold you in my arms
as I did when you were young

I think back of the days
when I was your everything
when you got your first tooth,
your first step
your first day of school
your first big 'boo-boo'

I only wish I could have
changed your mind
my heart aches each day for you

I remember the look in your eyes
when you left for Iraq
the look in your fathers eyes
as he watched you walk away

I just wanted to hug you and hold you tight
and tell you I'd make it all alright
that nothing would hurt
that nothing bad would happen

My dear son,
may the angels keep watch over you
during both day and night

may you not be harmed
may my love travel the miles
to reach you, and touch your spirit
and give you strength to carry on

With much love & tears, Mom

If I could Save The World

If I could save the world
is what I always thought
Laying in my bed at night
I'd dream of saving the world

If I could save the world
I’d do it just for you
I love you that much
If I could save the world
God.. I miss you so much

Each evening, I lay
looking up at the stars,
wondering if you are looking
at those same stars too

Each night I pray
while sounds of war
rage outside these cold walls
Each night I pray
for me, for you, for all of us

If I could save the world
That’s why I’m here
I dreamed, I felt enraged,
I felt pride, I felt it was my duty

If I could save the world
Now, here I am
in this strange, foreign land
Amongst people
that are so similar
yet so different

If I could save the world
I’d do it just for you
I’d make you proud

I’d make a stand
Hand - to - hand
we’ll all stand for our land
If I could save the world

I am far away, yes
but I am also very near
blood is thicker than water
that’s what I’d always hear

Now I understand
because I feel you with me
as you feel me with you
I am strong because
your blood, your strength,
your love flows through me.

If I could save the world.. ..

Well, its late and I need to get to bed. I'm tired and need to sleep.. Blessings & Hugs, ~Helena

I've been bit by the writers block, the brain block, the I can't think of a damn thing to write bug.. *sigh* I guess I will update everyone on things. For those of you who are kind enough to keep checking in on me, and are faithful readers

Tim is doing better. He is truly a miracle. After all the damage his body had from the accident, its amazing he is alive and recovering well. He is not out of the woods yet, but its amazing at the progress he's made. Sorry I had to get weird and hide the entries I'd had posted on here. Due to a lawsuit the family is undertaking I didn't want to do anything at all that would even remotely interfere with it! I'm sure you understand. Just know that I truly and deeply appreciate each and every kind word, gesture, prayer and thought you sent and gave.

My Mom is handling it a bit better. She was in such a state of shock after it 1st happened, honestly it scared the shit outta me. I've never seen my Mom so upset (not the angry upset just the depressed type). It has really taken a toll on her physically too. Stress is a nasty thing! I went with her last week to see him. I was so happy with the progress he's made, I got all teary eyed talking to him. My heart just breaks to see him like that. Hard to explain.. I guess you'd say he's more like a big brother to me rather than my mom's boyfriend.. there's an odd statement huh? I think its because he's only 10 years older than me.

My health got all whacky too lol. I felt like a blow fish, I knew something was off but had no clue what. I'd started retaining water - lots of water. So much so that it would indent on my skin if I were poked. Yeah, pretty creepy haha. I thought maybe it was either my heart meds or my anti-anxiety ones that were causing it. Doc said "nope" that it couldn't be them. I still think she's wrong, but you gotta listen right? So I went through blood tests, thyroid test, echocardiogram, and more. Nothing. On paper & tests, I'm healthy. Makes no sense at all. Something has got to be outta wack (for lack of a better term) for me to be retaining fluid like this! What kinda ticks me off is that it seems like my physician is more interested in treating the symptom (edema) instead of finding the cause of it. Its been "here take this pill" and "here add this one too" then its "double this one and try that" and then the waiting game of "see me in a week".  I'm now going on a month of this crap, and still no reason for it! grrrr I've gained 3 extra pills to take each day though. Lucky me. One of them is huge - I call it the horse pill *giggle*

Took my first long road trip by myself to Mom's. We had to go all the way to Kentucky because that's where Tim is now, at a rehab/hospital there. The hospital is wonderful and very personable and much more attentive than the last one he was in. The only thing that bugged me was the nurse who was in a room next to his, doing who-knows-what with the patient in there. Came out with gloves on her hands -yeah thats good but wait I'm not done yet - then she walks over and goes into Tim's room with the same gloves on! EWWWW can you say germs galore? I was horrified. All I could do was wonder what she may have on them gloves and pass onto him! He's in a state where he's very suseptable to infections, we have to gown & glove up before seeing him. And she walks in there with used gloves. Hmmm. I wanted to say something, but my pleasant personality (sometimes a bit shy) didn't want to cause a scene, or piss them off so they treat him different because of it. So there my Mom and I stood, just grossed out. I'm a stickler for things like that, comes from working in a nursing home for a few years. You learn a lot of things, some you'd really rather not *smile* A lot of germs can live outside the body on a table, chair, gloves - for hours!  Anyway, the road trip went well, the old truck did very well the only thing that sucked was the radio because its an old push button one - those long rectangular ones that just bump the channel a bit & you pull them out to set the station (if your lucky enough to find one). So I ended up going with silence because it was so much better than static and a here & gone station. *sigh* I did manage to hear a few good songs like "I would do anything for love - but I won't do that" by Meatloaf and Journey with "Don't stop believing" and in case you are wondering, yes, I'm one of those ladies that sings and rocks out in her car lol

I've also been trying to get a bit further with my assignments. I'm taking a paralegal course - I started it about a month ago. I ended up taking a break due to Tim's accident - I couldn't concentrate to save my life. Seems to be going well so far. Aced my first 3 quizes

So, now after all that rambling about me - how about you? How are you doing? Still alive and kickin around xanga-land? Seems like a lot of my favorites have moved on and grown silent here. I'd love to find some non-gossip, non-teen oriented, good philisophical or just plain old interesting, good writing xanga site. If you know of any, please, let me know I don't give a crap about celebrities or who's got the newest boobs, lips or buttocks. I want to know about things that actually have meaning

Here's a goofy pic of me - can you tell I was on the verge of laughing? I look like a dork in it, but I thought it was worth at least a laugh or two!

Blessings & Hugs!

Man it's been a long time since I've updated on here! Life has taken ahold of me and won't let me relax

Lets see.. My gorgeous daughter has graduated from the 6th grade this year. I was so proud, and she was so beautiful! I am so proud of her! Here's a little pic of her that she took herself, I think it came out great considering it was a 'self-shot' one!

I have a window to the right of my desk, and it has a nice wide windowsil, generally, the cats love to curl up there and just stare out the window for hours. They take naps there and it's their favorite hang out. Lately Buster, our dog, has decided that he likes it now too! What a shock when I caught him there I just had to take a picture of him doing it Talk about funny! The look on his face is one ~ hey Mom, aren't I cute? Even looks like he's smiling ~ of course I was giggling as I was taking the picture too.

A huge thank you to all of you who have been praying for Tim. He is still in intensive care, and still struggling. He has one hell of a will to live! I am Thankful that he is recovering, and hopefully will be ok. It is going to be months before he's back to a 'somewhat' normal life. Right now, things are still all up in the air, as far as how far he is going to recover (or will recover) we are all praying for the best. I'm going out to see him Wed.

My health has taken a bad turn, and I've been going through a lot. So if you can spare a prayer for me, please do so I'd really appreciate it! I'd go into detail more, but I think that's for another time, and a protected entry..

I miss the 'ole xanga gang .. seems everyone is drifting off to other places online.. Don't you miss it? Where's the new 'hang out' guys & gals?? Invite me! lol

Blessings, Love & Hugs to all of you, ~Helena

Ok. First, I'd like you all to meet Tim. Friend of the family, and my Mother's Fiance.

Second, if you are interested in what happened to him, please go to any of the following links below.
I don't want to place any "personal" information or opinions on here open to the public, so from today on that will all be under Protected/Private Posting on this site.

I would post the pic of the accident, but I don't want to infringe on any laws lol If you want to see them without leaving my page, just right click and then choose "open in new window" or "open in new tab"

In my opinion, this is the most thorough article out of all the ones I seen online: 
http://www.ripleynews.com/2010/10-05-11_Police.html

This one shows a picture of the accident, but has a lame, short article on it:
http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20100507/NEWS01/305050036/Indiana-trooper-slams-into-motorcycle

This one is quite interesting, and  a lot of good points, it's a discussion thread at a local riders site:
http://www.localriders.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15450

All I will say is, I think a lot of Tim. He's a great guy and he loves my Mom with all his heart, and she thinks the world of him too. They are such a cute couple! I would appreciate any and all prayers, well-wishes, candles lit, whatever your 'thing' is.. Thank you.

Under protected I will show a better pic of him and the family - I just don't want that viewed by the 'general' public either lol.  Don't worry - I'll explain! lol

{{{hugs}}} and Blessings

Its been a while since I've posted.. The update on Tim is actually good. He doesn't have brain damage - which is awesome! He is slowly healing, but still serious.  This past 9 days have been a roller coaster of emotions for me.. Life just seems to throw things together in clumps and it's hard to take sometimes. I find myself asking "why?" a lot lately. Those big questions we ponder during stressful and traumatic times in our lives..

Why is it some people just seem to be born to suffer? Why do some have such hard lives and are dealt what seems too much for just one person to bare? Is there really a reason for everything that happens, as if it is some part of a divine plan?

Breathe, just breathe... that's what I say to myself when I start getting all 'worked' up. Those deep breaths in through the nose and then slowly out through the mouth... helps..

Yet I find it hard to control the "monkey mind" of mine. My thoughts wander, and race. Like the picture above, I tend to just wanna cuddle with a pillow and just cry or think...and think and think..  Anger comes and goes... anger over the situation and how unjust/unfair it is... Then sadness for all of us involved.. So many things unanswered.. Brings up a lot for me too. My Brother, as many of my longtime readers know, was killed in a logging accident when he was 19 years old. A tragic accident that took him.. on the day before my 13th Birthday too. A good friend of mine in high school was hit and killed by a drunk driver walking home one evening.. He was thrown and landed in his own front yard... Can you imagine .. I took that hard. Another killed himself via a terrible, terrible suicide.. He'd been drinking and poured/squirted lighter fluid all over himself while sitting cross legged.. and then lit himself on fire.. Another took a 50 foot fall from a cliff overlooking the Salmon River... My brother in law, killed by an accident at a local transfer station - doing a job for his boss.. So much tragedy .. So many lives cut short - and for what purpose? Was there really a divine reason for those deaths? How can you possibly look at tragic sudden deaths as being purposeful?

Then I think of life.. in general.. What is the meaning of life? I'm a firm believer that there is so much more to life and living than what meets the eyes. So much more that is there just beyond our reach.. The unseen world that coincides and lives among and with us.. I also think there is so much more to the abilities of the human mind than what science can explain, or know (doctors too). The mind-body connection is quite amazing and its depths are deep...

Rambling, I know... I just wanted to jot down some of my thoughts and questions.. Then come back and revisit them and perhaps elaborate on them a bit.. Or maybe, just maybe get a conversation going here.. It seems to be so quiet and so 'blah' on xanga lately.. Harder and harder to find real, meaningful and deep blogs! If you know of any, please, by all means - let me know!

Below - or - above this is also a Protected posting for my trusted few. Some things to share and advice needed - but don't want it aired out in public... Its too hush-hush *grin*

Blessings & love to you all..

feeling lonely, cuddly.. sad.. all that inbetween... *sigh* it's a teddy bear night..

I stand before you
truthful, exposed
offering my all, to you
my body, my heart
rest in the palm of your hand

I will be the light of your morning
with a smile and a kiss to awaken you
I will be the sun of your day
keeping warm the passion we share
I will be the warmth of a blanket
as I cuddle and cover you with my loving

Broken

broken and torn
alone and cold
wet and shivering
here at the waters edge
so close to the insanity am I
yet so far away
scratching out the memories
of you and I
they only cause me pain and anguish
please let me go
release these invisible chains
that hold me here
I want to see
what awaits me on the other side of the shore
my spirit drifts and dreams,
light as a feather
gentle as a butterfly
it glides on the winds
and carries my love, my dreams on its wings

you and I

you are the strength that holds me
I am the softness within your arms
you are the flames of passion
I am the love that heats your flames
you are the one that I lean upon
I am the beauty that you hold
you are the constellations in the sky
I am your north star
you are the comforter, the protector
I am the colorful butterfly that charms your inner child
you are my fantasy, my man
I am your fantasy, your lady
Together we are
the heat and the fire
the thunder and the rain

*Reflections*

When despair grows in me
I cry at the simplest things

I awake in the night
to the sounds of crying..
reaching to hold my head
in the palms of my hands,
I realize it is my tears... and my voice I heard

I fear what has become of me
that old woman I see in the mirror
I feel the emptiness consume me

In my dreams I lay
in natures bed of grass
beneath the willow tree

where the white swans rest
in the calm cool waters
where the birds come to sing

I come into peace with these animals
they do not fixate their lives
with aforethought of grief.

Nor of things past, of what grief may lay ahead...
I come into the presence of love and warmth
from the sun whose rays illuminate
the dew drops that surround me..

Just for this moment,
I rest in the grace of the world
the beauty I have seen
the love I have
the ones who've
touched my life for always

I am thankful for my life..
I am so blessed..

rambling thoughts... ~Helena

Ever have a song stuck in your head all day? This one's been in my head all day. I absolutely love this song too. I've been a huge fan of Aerosmith since I was about 13 years old. They were also the very 1st band I ever seen in person & the only one

Enjoy.

If the video doesn't show, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzTZ76vhnKk  to see it.

Aerosmith - Dream On lyrics

Every time I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It goes by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and
from sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until your dreams come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until your dream comes through
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On

Sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away......

Can't think of a hell of a lot to write (or say) tonight.. Been feeling sick today.. Our weather was blah, a rainy and cool day.. The perfect day to spend on the couch with a hot cup of tea, enjoying movies or a good book. That's just what I did too. I even fell asleep and took a nap. *sigh* Now I know I'm getting old lol.

Seems everything electronic is messing up on me lately.. Its ticking me off too! Our phone has a mind of its own, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. I was trying to talk to my Mom, and 3 times it just hung up - and stopped working.. Then, when it is working it sounds like an old Japanese film where they don't match the sound (voices) with the actors mouths LOL Everyone is all "garbled" .. sigh.. Then, my internet is satellite, which I love! But for some reason, even that is in and out today. Then, the remote for our Dish Network died *sigh* We had to call them, and they are sending one.. Hopefully, it won't take too long *grin* Amazing how much time changes things.. I remember my Grandparents Console TV that had dials (large ones) two the top one went to like 20? or something and the bottom one was the higher channels. No remote. No Smart Sound, surround sound, or anything fancy. I was the remote, and I didn't mind at all lol. Oh, and to boot - even my cell phone wasn't working!! That was an easy fix - the battery was dead *grin* Hopefully it will all return to normal soon..

So, since I don't have a lot to say, and I don't want to bore you rambling on about "nothingness"... Here are a few pics to enjoy. Here's a case of "odd" - my 98 Dodge Caravan - decided it wasn't going to track milage anymore. *plop* The spedometer fell off, no kidding. What in the world? Right when driving too. Talk about something that makes you go "hmmm" I didn't know this was even possible! lol

I had to take a picture, because I didn't think anyone would believe - or quite understand what I was saying!

I love to take walks and have little adventures in the woods across from my house. It's so peaceful in there. Nature is waking up and soon it will be full of lush green life and lots of wild flowers. My favorite spot is the small natural waterfalls about 1/2 mile in. Takes some climbing, and careful maneuvering across the rocks, but its so worth the hike!
Here are some pics from my last walk.

A cute pic...

Wanna hold my hand?

lol a blurry me with pigtails braids .. (I'll never grow up!)

Meet Duke, he's almost a year old - and such a cutie! He's what I call my "stick-tight" he never wants to leave my side and even sleeps on the bed with me.

Meet "Wa-Wa" my African Grey Parrot, he's so much fun. He is my "feathered baby" His favorite food: Peanuts in the shell. Favorite song to whistle: Andy Griffith Tune. Favorite weird sounds: running water, fart and burp sounds LOL His favorite phrase to yell: "get the hell outta here!" (that one comes from yelling at the animals when they annoy the hell out of me when I'm in the kitchen)

This is Buster, he's a save from the Local Animal Shelter. I love animals, and it breaks my heart to see them in the shelter. I always want to "save them all" but realistically, I know I can't. He just had the sweetest look, with a bit of intelligence, and it melted my heart when I put my hand through the bars to let him sniff me, and he licked my hand. I was his from that moment.

And yes, he likes to smile!

Well, that's it for tonight. G'night and sweet dreams ..

Raindrops dancing upon my pale skin
in the light of the moon
tickling as it glides

I feel so lonely, so lost
Let the rain pour down upon me
I wish to feel something - anything
sweet rain, awaken me

Are you out there my love?
Do you hear me, feel me?
search for me, I'm here

Eyes closed to the world
I do not wish to feel empty anymore
loneliness, desire, they swallow me whole

My hair flowing like a horses main
wild in the winds of fall
as it spills down my back

Find me my love, come to me
make love to me
here in the wind, in the rain
taste the sweet rain off my skin

Kiss my lips and hold me tight
let me in, let me in
my salty tears linger on your tongue

Glide your hands softly
across my warm wet skin
taste, feel my desire

I want feel alive again
to feel that magic once again
to taste passion, feel love

I want embrace the thunder of your love
ride the waves of passion and
feel the pleasure of you inside of me...

~Helena 04182010